


Gordon Ramsay vs. Yuri Plisetsky: The Ultimate Chef Showdown

by WaterChickens



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Competition, Cooking, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Crossover, Gen, Happy Ending, Humor, Weddings, mentions of other yuri on ice characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 12:56:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14934669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaterChickens/pseuds/WaterChickens
Summary: Yuri Plisetsky just so happens to bump into his longtime idol, Gordon Ramsay. But his brazen attitude lands him in hot water with the world famous chef, and he gets challenged to a cooking competition. Unfortunately for the skater, he can't cook to save his life.Will Yuri be able to defeat Ramsay to defend his honor, or will the Ice Tiger of Russia crumble?





	Gordon Ramsay vs. Yuri Plisetsky: The Ultimate Chef Showdown

**Author's Note:**

> A semi-crack fic spurred entirely by procrastination lmao. Shockingly, I have a non-crack fic in the works and will finish and post as soon as I can.
> 
> I hope you enjoy! :)

Yuri Plisetsky, to put it kindly, was rather fond of sleeping. His beauty sleep was a priority in his life, and he hated, hated, hated when anything interfered with that.

He had stayed up late into the night watching clips of Gordon Ramsay on Youtube. Something about the way the chef berated every human he encountered was… entrancing, to say the least. Seeing him explode at innocent people made Yuri feel things he didn’t even know he could feel. Yuri was an angry person, but nothing compared to Gordon. Gordon was able to intimidate everyone around him, and no one ever messed with him. That’s what Yuri wanted to emulate.

Because of his late night Ramsay marathon, Yuri awoke in a particularly foul mood the next day when he woke up. If it were up to him, he’d stay in and sleep, but as a world class athlete, he had responsibilities. And practice. Lots of practice.

With a sigh, Yuri walked to his closet to get his clothes for the day.

After appraising himself in the mirror, Yuri decided he was ready for breakfast and made his way downstairs.

“Morning,” grunted Yakov when he saw the teen.

“Ugh,” replied Yuri.

Yuri grabbed a slice of toast for himself and sat down at the breakfast table, glaring at the tablecloth.

“Yuri. I just got a call from Victor. He and Yuuri want you to be the ring bearer at their wedding…”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” muttered Yuri.

Yuri darted from the table and ran outside.

It was all so revolting. He couldn’t believe those two nasty old men wanted him to be the ring bearer. That was a job for little kids! 

The teen angrily pulled out his phone and dialed Victor, whom he presumed came up with this ludicrous idea in the first place.

Victor picked up.

“Hello Yurio! I’m guessing Yakov told you already!”

“WHAT THE HELL! HOW DARE YOU! NO WAY! THIS IS DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” he bellowed into the phone.

“What? No, I think it’s cute, just imagine~” mused Victor.

Yuri felt like throwing up, and he hung up and threw his phone on the concrete, smashing it to smithereens.

Well, he could always get a new phone, couldn’t he?

He still had some time to kill before his practice, so he decided to head on over to the phone store to buy a new phone.

“Hi, may I help you?”

“Yes, ah, my phone...broke. I need a new one,” Yuri grunted.

The employee eyed him.

“Sir, this is the fourth phone you’ve broken in two weeks,” she chided.

“Whatever. Can I get a new one?”

She rolled her eyes and took his phone to the back, and returned with a shiny new phone.

“Please be more careful next time.”

Yuri filled out some more paperwork and left. But as he was exiting the store, he bumped into something very muscular.

“Excuse me,will you?” said a terse voice. A British voice. A familiar voice.

It was none other than Gordon Ramsay!

Ramsay went in to the store and berated the employees. Yuri stood, spellbound. No, it couldn’t be! Why was Gordon in Russia?

Yuri was still right by the door when Gordon came back out.

“What, are you still here?” he demanded.

“Y-yes,” Yuri stammered.

“Well, do you want a picture or something?”

“Sure,” said Yuri and they snapped a picture.

Gordon handed Yuri his phone, but Yuri made no motion to leave. They stood staring at each other.

“Well, I’m getting hungry. Do you know any good places to eat around here?” questioned the world-renowned chef.

“Yes!” screamed Yuri excitedly and on the verge of tears.

Yuri led them to a pirozhki stand, one of his favorites. He knew the delicate meat pillows would delight even the most picky eater.

He ordered pirozhki for the both of them, and both men tucked in.

Yuri closed his eyes in bliss and sighed. This was heaven. His favorite food, being shared with his favorite person on Earth.

He happily turned to look at Gordon Ramsay, to see if he was enjoying his food.

His mouth dropped when he saw his idol spitting out the pirozhki.

“Dreadful,” muttered Ramsay.

“What?” Yuri trembled.

“It’s hideous!” he stated.

“N-no! It’s perFECT!” said Yuri, beginning to get agitated. He glared at Ramsay.

“It’s RAW you fucking IDIOT!” Gordon screamed. “LOOK!” he said, and held the pirozhki in Yuri’s face.

Yuri was confused. The pirozhki was perfectly cooked?

“It’s cooked,” said Yuri.

“No it’s NOT! And it’s BLAND! There’s no lamb sauce on it. WHERE’S THE LAMB SAUCE!” Gordon thundered.

Yuri was furious. Here he was, sharing one of the best parts of his country with Gordon Ramsay, and the prick was insulting it.

“You idiot, there’s no fucking lamb sauce in pirozhki.”

Gordon reddened.

“Listen here, FUCKFACE. Do you think you fucking know better than me, asswipe? Are you taking the piss out of me?”

“Of course I know better than you, jerk. I’m RUSSIAN!”

“Oh yeah?”

“YEAH!” Yuri was incensed.

“Well, you WANKER. Since you know so much better than me, why don’t you go up against me, huh?” he jeered.

“Fine, asshole! I will!” Yuri replied, not really thinking his words.

“Very well then. Meet me in front of the phone store at 3 P.M. Oh, and bring a team. You’re going to need it,” he spat.

Yuri numbly nodded and watched Gordon angrily walk away.

Oh God. What had he gotten himself into?

***

“So what you mean to tell me, is you challenged the world’s greatest chef to a COOKOFF?” Yakov roared.

“...Maybe?”

“I don’t get paid enough for this,” Yakov walked away, rubbing his temples.

Victor bolted over from the other side of the rink and skidded to a stop in front of Yuri.

“Yuri! What happened?”

Yuri reluctantly told his rinkmate what had transpired.

“...so basically, he wants me to go head to head against him in a few hours. And I don’t know how to cook. At all.”

Victor’s mouth dropped.

“Oh my. But Gordon said you could bring a team, right? Maybe we can help you!” Victor’s heart shaped mouth appeared.

“Shit. I guess you’re my only hope. Fine. Just don’t screw it up, okay?”

“We’ll help you, but on one condition.”

“What is it?”

“You have to be the ringbearer at my wedding,” Victor smirked.

Yuri was uber close to telling him to forget about it, but Gordon had made him really angry and he wanted to beat him at his own game, which Yuri couldn’t do by himself.

“...okay. It’s a deal.”  
***

A few hours later, Yuri stood at the front of the phone store waiting for Gordon to show up. Beside him were Yuuri, Victor, Georgi, and Mila, his hastily assembled crew. 

They were all nervous.

“Yuri, why’d you go and do this, huh? We’re figure skaters, not chefs!” Mila crowed.

“Shut up, hag.”

“If you don’t want me to help, just say so and I’ll leave,” she sniffed.

They waited and waited, and finally, a long black limousine came.

“Okay kids, get in,” said the driver.

The group got in and oohed and ahed at the plush interior. But Yuri had a burning question in the back of his mind. If it was just an impromptu cook off, why would Gordon go through all this trouble? Yuri didn’t like this situation, not one bit.

They drove for a while, until finally they stopped in front of a TV studio.

Yuri’s stomach churned. His worst fear had come true. The showdown would be televised, and he would be the laughingstock of Russia.

“I’m scared,” said Katsuki, clutching on to his fiance Victor.

“It’s okay, love.”

They were escorted into the chilly building by two big, burly men. Yuri felt like a lamb to the slaughter, and he knew the others did too.

Mila was wringing her hands, Yuuri K was practically hanging off Victor, Victor was trying to look nonchalant, but grimaced nonetheless, and Georgi was being a drama queen as usual.

“Why oh why did I agree to helping with this?” Georgi bemoaned, distraught.

“Sh-shut up, Georgi. This is televised, so maybe your stupid Anya will watch it…”

At the mention of his ex, Georgi collapsed into a fit of wailing.

“Anya, oh Anya! How could you hurt me like that?! I vow to win you over with my culinary expertise!”

Culinary expertise? Oh, please. Yuri knew perfectly well that none of them could cook, but he wanted to keep morale high so no one could bail on him, so he didn’t say anything.

They walked down the long corridor and turned to a very large, lit up room, with dozens of cheering spectators. 

The room had two large, advanced looking kitchen areas. Shiny, modern appliances, dozens of pots, pans, and other utensils, and a large variety of food items were all set up, waiting for him upon silver gleaming tables. Situated behind the kitchen area was a large pantry, stocked with foods Yuri had never even heard of. 

On the other side of the room, Yuri caught Gordon’s eye. His arms were crossed and he had an angry look on his face.

Yuri could hear his rinkmates all gulp.

“Well, well, well,” Gordon whispered as he menacingly paced towards them. “I see you all bothered to show up.”

“Yes, we did.”

“Very well.”

Gordon stalked off.

Suddenly, the TV host walked in and the audience cheered.

“Welcome, everybody. Tonight, we have a special treat. On one side, we have famous chef GORDON RAMSAY. Everyone, let’s give Gordon Ramsay a hand!” the crowd went wild.

“Thank you, I’m very pleased to be here,” replied Gordon.

“So, Gordon, tell us what brings you here today.”

“Well, you see, I asked this boy here to show me some good food, and he brought me to this stand, where we had pirozhki, a Russian pastry. It tasted quite hideous, to be honest. But he insisted that it was perfectly fine, and began insulting me, calling me an idiot and an asshole!” the crowd booed Yuri.

“Oh my God, Yuri, what did you do?!” whispered Yuuri.

“Is this true?” the TV host turned to Yuri.

“Yes. But he deserved it!” replied Yuri, and he could hear his friends behind him all facepalm.

The crowd roared.

Gordon ran over and got in his face.

“WHAT DID YOU SAY YOU FUCKING DONKEY?”

“YEAH? I SAID YOU DESERVED IT, BITCH! YOU DON’T ASK SOMEONE TO BUY YOU FOOD AND THEN INSULT IT LIKE THAT! YOU- YOU’RE JUST A BIG BULLY, WHO MAKES UP FLAWS IN FOOD, OKAY?”

This enraged Gordon, and he lunged at Yuri, who lunged back, and before you know it, the two were engaged in a heated brawl in the middle of the floor. 

“FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!” bellowed the crowd.

“GO TO HELL!” screamed Gordon.

“Yuri, stop!” screamed Mila.

Victor and Georgi went in to break up the fight, and were successfully able to pull Yuri away from Gordon.

“Well folks, this got off to a bit of a bad start…” said the host. “Anyways, here’s how it will work! There will be two rounds tonight: an appetizer round, where our guests can get warmed up in the kitchen. They will be judged. Then in the next round, an entree, they will face off against Chef Ramsay in the ultimate chef showdown!!!”

Okay, so at least they would be able to get used to cooking for a round before they get completely and utterly destroyed by Ramsay himself.

They were all handed chef’s coats and went to stand in their kitchen area. 

“Okay, chefs, you have 30 minutes to prepare a lovely appetizer plate. On your marks, get set, GO!”

Yuri, Yuuri, Victor, Georgi, and Mila all huddled together.

“Guys, do we have a plan for this appetizer?” Yuri asked his team.

“Nope,” his friends all said.

“Shit.”

For ten of their allotted thirty minutes, they spent disputing different ideas.

Katuki said to go simple and do edamame, but Victor said that was too easy and wouldn’t impress anyone.

Mila wanted to do pigs in a blanket, but Yuri said that would make them the laughingstock of Russia.

Georgi suggested mini quiches, but “For fuck’s sake, Georgi, does it look like any of us can make that?”

And Victor, Victor simply didn’t have any ideas.

They eyed the clock nervously and saw that they had less than fifteen minutes, and although Mila’s idea now looked the best, they wouldn’t have enough time.

So that’s how, in front of a live audience, the millions of people that would watch this from their TVs, and Gordon Ramsay himself, the Ice Gang ended up making cheese and crackers.

Now, cheese and crackers is ostensibly the EASIEST appetizer anyone could ever make, because it is literally composed of two elements: cheese and crackers. The average person could whip up a plate of cheese and crackers in less than five minutes, but these people were anything but average.

Yuri suggested making a sort of production line in order to expedite the preparation, but it only created a mess.

For one, there were no crackers in their pantry, so they had to make do with bread. The job of cutting the bread into little pieces fell to Yuuri K, who, as it appeared, had never used a knife in his life.

“How do you not know how to use a knife?” Yuri choked, watching Yuuri repeatedly fumble and nick himself. 

Next in line was Georgi, who was slicing the cheese. Georgi, at least, was a bit more coordinated, but he kept crying for Anya, which made the cheese soggy and caused it to disintegrate. 

“ANYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” he screeched.

Beside Georgi was Victor, who was in charge of putting the cheese and bread on toothpicks. Victor, just like his fiance, was completely uncoordinated and kept dropping the toothpicks all over the place and cost the group time by having to pick them up.

Mila and Yuri had the final job, plating the food and making it at least look decent. In order to make the food look gourmet, Yuri grabbed the first green looking plant he could find and sprinkled it on the cheese and crackers to adorn them.

And so they continued, making a gigantic mess, and embarrassing themselves in front of everyone. 

How was it even possible for the world’s best figure skaters to be unable to make something as simple as cheese and crackers?

The alarm rang, signaling the end of their cooking time. Yuri stared down at the plate, with four pathetic pieces of cheese and crackers. He sighed. He was so going to die.

Yuri nervously grabbed the plate and made his way in front of the judge’s table, hearing Ramsay and the audience laugh at him every step of the way.

He stopped in front of the table.

“So, young man, what is your name?” asked one of the judges.

“Yuri Plisetsky.”

“Good, good, now what have you prepared for us today?” they asked.

“...cheese and crackers.”

Each judge took a piece, and they all cringed.

“Well, this certainly looks rushed,” they commented.

“Yeah, um, we didn’t have enough time.”

Yuri was beside himself with fear. Yes, he was a figure skater, which means he was used to being judged, but never like this. His judgement typically came in the form of a number, not harsh words.

But despite the criticism he was being given, Yuri made extra sure to hold his tongue. Normally he would have lashed out, but look where lashing out had gotten him this time.

“This, to say the least, is pretty poor. The cheese is too moist, the bread is oddly cut, and the watercress leaf does absolutely nothing for this dish. At the very least, you should have added butter to the bread.”

Yuri hung his head. His life was so, totally over.

Yuri and the rest of his team members were crestfallen. All they had wanted to do was help Yuri put Gordon in his place, but they had failed miserably.

Meanwhile, Gordon and the audience were having the time of their lives. Hooting and laughing at them endlessly.

The judges finished lambasting the skaters and Yuri dejectedly turned to walk back to his kitchen area.

Gordon was still cackling at him, so Yuri flipped him off, which angered the chef.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, you yankee dankee sack of shit?” questioned Gordon.

Yuri rolled his eyes and walked back to his teammates.

“Yuri, I’m so sorry, this is my fault,” they all said together.

“Shut up, it’s all my fault. I brought us all here, embarrassed us, and possibly endangered our careers. I’m sorry.”

All the skaters turned to look at each other in shock. Here was Yuri, the Ice Tiger of Russia...apologizing?

He must really feel bad.

The tried hugging him, but he slapped their hands away.

They stood there waiting for the next round to start, but suddenly two (very) intimidating figures walked in. Yakov and Lilia. Uh oh.

“IDIOTS! I’VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE AT PRACTICE!”

“HUH?!” yelled Yuri.

Yuri choked. They hadn’t told their coaches where they were?!

Yuri whipped around and looked at them dumbfounded, and they looked sheepish.

Before Yuri could get a word in, Yakov and Lilia hauled each of the skaters by their collars and out the door, leaving a gaping Yuri standing completely alone.

“Yurio! I’m sorry! You can do it!” said Victor as he was dragged away.

The teenaged skater was shaking in a mixture of fear and rage.

Thanks to his stupid coaches, Yuri now had to prepare an entree COMPLETELY BY HIMSELF.

“Well, that’s unfortunate!” remarked the host, “But the show must go on! Competitors, make your way to the center of the stage.”

Feeling quite queasy, the reluctant competitor trudged to the center, alongside Gordon Ramsay to listen to the instructions.

“Welcome chefs to the Ultimate Culinary Showdown™, where you will race against the clock to prepare a delectable entree for our esteemed judges. You will have one hour to cook any meal you want, but on one condition. You will have to utilize our super secret ingredient which is…” The host reached into the box beside him “...peas! Cook anything, but just make sure you incorporate peas in one form or another! Your time starts now!”

Gordon ran into the pantry, seemingly already having a recipe in mind.

Yuri slogged over to his kitchen to begin to come up with possible ideas. He was tempted to make pirozhki, but folding the dough was very troublesome for him. Whenever he attempted to make pirozhki with his grandfather, his pirozhki ended up disfigured and flat.

The clock kept ticking while Yuri racked his mind for ideas. Not only did he have no idea what to cook, but he had no idea how to put peas in it. He began to grow increasingly nervous, and his heart pounded against his chest. He was more scared for this than he was at skating competitions!

He really wished his teammates were here with him so they could suffer together. He even wished Yuuri were here, despite how much the Japanese skater annoys him.

Wait a minute! Yuuri! Yuri thought back to when he stayed at Yu-topia Katsuki in Hasetsu and how he was served katsudon (pork cutlet bowl). Yuri adored katsudon; it was his favorite Japanese food, and the ingredients were fairly straightforward- pork, breadcrumbs, rice, egg, onion, and peas.

It didn’t matter that he had not even the slightest idea on how to prepare katsudon- he could just facetime Yuuri when no one was looking.

He raced to the kitchen to gather his supplies and threw them down on the table. He had to work fast if he wanted to finish!

Yuri grabbed his phone from his back pocket and called Yuuri.

“Come on, come on, come on, pick up, piCK UP!!” he hissed, but to no avail. Yuuri wasn’t answering.

“Fuck!” he swore, and slammed his fist down angrily on the table.

“Having trouble over there?” sneered Gordon.

“Shut the hell up.”

His plans were foiled. Yuri didn’t know how to make katsudon; he just knew how to eat it. He felt defeated, because this was his only idea, but he didn’t know how to cook it, and his time was running out. 

The panicked teen decided to cut his losses and just look up a recipe online. 

He scrolled and scrolled, fingers trembling, until he found the simplest looking recipe and got to work.

He unwrapped the pork and grabbed salt and pepper to season it, then he rolled the seasoned pork in flour, just like the recipe said to do.

Next, he beat some eggs and dipped the pork into the eggs, then rolled it in panko breadcrumbs.

Once the pork was breaded, Yuri turned on the stove, something he had never done before in his life. The recipe said to have it on medium heat, so he fiddled with the buttons until he reached the correct setting. He coated the pan in oil, waited for it to heat up, and then gently placed the pork in the pan. After 5 minutes, he flipped it.

While he waited for the pork to finish cooking, he consulted the recipe on his phone for the rest of the ingredients he would need. 

Yuri was lucky the audience was more preoccupied with Gordon and not him, or else they might see that he was using his phone.

He darted to the pantry and swiftly selected stock, sugar, soy sauce, mirin (rice wine), rice, and some more eggs.

He came back and saw that the pork was done cooking, so he put it on some paper towels to soak up the oil.

While he waited for it to cool down so he could cut it, Yuri put some soup stock into a pan and heated it on medium, then he added soy sauce, mirin, and sugar to the pan.

He turned to the pork and began to cut it. His fingers were shaking from a mixture of fear and adrenaline, so it was tricky to maneuver, but luckily he had miles more dexterity than Yuuri K did. It was a struggle, but he was able to cut the pork into strips without losing any fingers.

The mixture in the pan began boiling, so Yuri quickly turned off the heat in order to avoid it all evaporating.

He got some green onions and began chopping them up. When he was done, he threw that and the peas into the mixture he was making. He glanced up at the clock and saw that he had a little over twenty minutes left. 

His heart stopped. He still hadn’t made the rice, added the pork, or the egg. He turned to Gordon’s side and saw that he at least had everything coming along nicely. And he wasn’t using his phone.

He decided to begin cooking the rice. He didn’t know how to do that either, so he had to look it up on his phone.

He boiled water, then threw some salt in the pot, and poured in the rice. He covered the rice, stirred it, and let it cook.

The guide he read said it would take 15-20 minutes to cook the rice, so while he waited for that, he plopped the pork cutlets into the pan with the sauce and let it simmer for a few minutes.

While that happened, he got an egg and began beating it.

He brought the pork and soup to a medium heat and poured the egg over the pork. He turned the heat to low and covered it with a lid and let it cook for one minute.

He turned off the heat after one minute and let it cool off while he waited for the rice to finish cooking.

Now he had about ten minutes.

“Fuck the rice, I need to finish this plate,” he thought as he dumped the rice out and let it cool off.

He rooted around the kitchen for a good bowl and set the pork to the side while he fluffed the rice with a fork.

“This is so stupid. Who fluffs rice?” he mused, but hey, the internet probably knew best.

With just minutes to go, he plopped the rice in the bowl and delicately placed the pork and egg mixture on top.

It looked and smelled delicious, and Yuri was very relieved he at least had something presentable. 

He glanced up and saw that he had 3 minutes left.

He looked to the side and saw that Gordon was pretty much done as well. Gordon looked over at Yuri and screwed his face up in confusion.

“Where’s the rest of your food?” he asked.

“Huh? Here it is…” said Yuri, looking down.

“There’s four judges, genius!” scoffed Ramsay.

Yuri glanced over at Gordon’s food, and saw, much to his horror, that he had four separate plates, one for each judge. Yuri only had one plate!

“SHIT!” he hissed and dug around for some small bowls. Since he really only made one serving, he would have to divide up the food and have way smaller portion sizes. But hey, gourmet food was small, right?

With time ticking down, Yuri tried dividing up the food as equally as he could and was luckily able to plate his food, finishing just as time was called.

Each chef stepped away from his kitchen.

As soon as he stepped away, Yuri had a wave of fatigue hit him. He had been too preoccupied trying to finish his meal that he hadn’t noticed how tired he had grown. It was night by now, and Yuri’s back ached, his fingers were numb, and he had a killer headache. He felt like he had just jumped 10 quads in a row.

On top of his exhaustion, he still felt the crippling fear of his oncoming judgment. Yes, this entree had turned out much less of a disaster than the appetizer, but Yuri was still very much a novice, going head to head against a world famous chef.

The enervated Yuri took his plates to the judge’s table.

“What have you prepared the judges?”

“Um, I prepared today a Japanese pork cutlet bowl with rice, eggs, onion, and peas.”

He studied their faces as they dug in, and much to his delight, they smiled.

“This is certainly an improvement,” noted one judge.

“Yes. I love the flavours you created here. The pork is cooked very well, and it complements the egg. I also enjoyed your sauce. Very delicious. You tied this dish together nicely, congratulations.” 

They all smiled at him.

“Just some criticism here,” said a judge, “your rice was a tiny bit undercooked, and your inclusion of peas wasn’t very creative. Other than that, your dish was very successful, taste and presentation wise. Good job.”

Yuri was over the moon! They had liked it! And, he had done it all by himself. Well, he did use his phone the entire time, but still.

The skater tried his best to hide his smile and appear stoic, but a small smile broke through his stony facade. He couldn’t believe it.

Even though no one believed in him, he had proved them wrong and cooked a meal worthy of praise, and worthy enough to contend against Gordon’s.

Gordon stepped up with his food.

“Here we have pan seared scallops, with a fresh minty pea puree, adorned with quail’s eggs, pancetta, and truffles.”

Yuri didn’t even know what half those words meant!

The judges loved his food. They praised Gordon on his flavour profile (whatever that was), and the immense creativity of his dish.

“Just one small thing, however,” said one of the judges, “this is more of an appetizer dish, not an entree.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you,” conceded Gordon.

“So, there you have it, folks. Two wonderful dishes. Which one will win? The delicious Japanese pork cutlet bowl with a less creative use of peas, or the very creative scallop dish that was more of an appetizer?”

The audience yelled out their opinions, and surprisingly, quite a few said that Yuri would win.

The judges left the room to go deliberate in private, which meant Yuri was standing there next to Gordon.

Gordon cleared his throat.

“So it appears you’re not totally useless at cooking.”

Yuri knew he probably still was quite trash at cooking, but he wasn’t about to admit it.

“I’m better than you thought.”

“I can see that. Ah, I must say I do apologize for antagonizing you earlier. I was an ass.”

“You were! Those pirozhkis were perfectly fine. Why did you say they were disgusting, when they clearly weren’t?”

“I’m sorry, you’re right, they weren’t bad. I was just in an awful mood, and I have a short temper, just like you. Also, you called me names, which I’m not used to. Let me let you in on a little secret,” Gordon leaned in to whisper in Yuri’s ear, “I’m used to being very intimidating; people always seem to be scared of me, but not you. You didn’t let me blatantly insult your country’s food, but you stood up for it. And that’s admirable.”

“Thank you.”

“One last thing. Forget everything I said on the show today. That was to create drama. To make you angry, so you would do your best. And to boost ratings. You know how it is,” Gordon winked.

So all of this had been an act. Thank God Gordon wasn’t really this much of a dickhead in real life, otherwise Yuri would probably have to find a different person to idolize.

The judges came back, and amazingly, Yuri wasn’t worried. Now that he and Gordon had cleared the air, Yuri wasn’t as anxious about beating Gordon as he used to be. He would be okay, no matter the results.

“After careful consideration from the judges, we have a winner. And might I add, the results were very close,” grinned the host.

“The winner is… GORDON RAMSAY!”

The crowd went nuts and Gordon Ramsay smiled at Yuri, and both shook hands.

The loss stung Yuri a little bit, since he wasn’t tremendously used to losing. 

But it wasn’t too surprising a result: Gordon’s weird hipster dish sounded delicious to be honest, and after all, Gordon had years of experience, ensuring a perfect dish. Yuri was quite proud of himself for being able to pull off a (nearly) flawless dish under the immense pressure he was under. 

Prior to today, the only food Yuri could prepare was cereal, and now he had learned some new skills. So maybe losing wasn’t so terrible.

“Listen, I still feel bad for being an shithead earlier. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?” said Gordon, once they were both alone, away from the cameras and audience.

“Well, maybe there is one thing…”  
***

***Six Months Later***

“OI! JACKASS! PASS THE SALT!”

With a chuckle and an eye roll, Yuri handed the salt to chef Ramsay. 

The chef dabbed on some salt and held out the morsel to Yuri.

“Wow,” Yuri groaned, “that tastes great.”

“Thank you. Aren’t you glad you asked me to cook for your friend Victor’s wedding?” Gordon gloated.

“No.”

“Okay, no more food for you then!” he smirked.

Yuri huffed and looked at the clock. It was time.

He ran from the kitchen and rummaged in his suitcase for his tux. Then, he bolted to Mrs. Katsuki to get the pillow and rings and waited for the ceremony to start.

Soon, it was his time to walk down the aisle. He walked beside Mila, who was the flower girl.

It was hard not to smile as he walked, seeing as how the wedding ceremony was replete with familiar faces.

Chris, Guang Hong, Emil, Michele, Sara, Seung-Gil, Minami, Mari, Minako, Otabek, Georgi, Yuuko, Lilia, Yakov, and even JJ were seated, celebrating Victor and Yuuri K’s special day.

Mila and Yuri finished their trek down the aisle and stood alongside Victor, who was beaming, and whose eyes were shining with tears.

Yuri couldn’t believe it. His forgetful, mushy rinkmate was here getting married. Where had the time gone?

Victor noticed Yuri staring at him and sent him a wink. Yuri responded with a (small) smile.

The wedding march began, and everyone craned their necks to catch a glimpse of Yuuri, who was walking down the aisle in a white tuxedo.

Victor gasped once he saw his blushing groom, and Yuri’s heart, as much as he hated to admit it, melted.

Yuuri reached the altar, and Yuri handed off the rings to the best man, Phichit. 

And so it began. Victor and Yuuri read their (beautiful) vows, the priest said his speech, and the two lovebirds kissed.

By now, everyone was crying happy tears for the lovely couple. Except for Yuri.

Well, maybe a little.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> oh yes


End file.
